I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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