god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
