Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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