no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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