did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
