You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
