oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
