Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
