things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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