Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
