I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
