they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
