Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
