My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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