I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
