She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
