im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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