i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize