his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
