we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
