Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
