I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
