I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
