Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My ATM looks so different sober.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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