If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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