what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
