I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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