it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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