Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
