I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
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Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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