wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
