Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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