jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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