You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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