At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
