Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
