I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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