It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
