Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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I AM VODKA MAN
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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