if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
