you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
