If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
