Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
