is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
