idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
