So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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