I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
