She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
