Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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