you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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