I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
