That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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