wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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