Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
