My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
