He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
