I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
