You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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