Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
