ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
