Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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