And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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