sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I party with great urgency now.
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