Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
