in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
