I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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